I feel as if everything I see is bleak and colorless.  It has been a boring day, full of boring events and well, just boring everything.  I go to swipe my straw like hair behind my ear and feel the warmth of my plump hand brush against my cheek.  I sigh and make an attempt to think of something other than what’s happening.  I think of the rain and the way it hits the ground, the way it moves everything and nothing.  After sighing multiple times I realize all I’ve been doing is sighing for the past twenty minutes but who can blame me?  Sometimes nothing is better than engaging in the conversation your parents are having with each other and not you.  I’ll admit I’ve definitely fallen below the standard I set for myself.  I thought I’d be some great student but lately I’ve realized I can’t bring myself to it.  I ask my parents if I can go walk to go smoke a cigarette.  I hate myself for it but I’ll be honest, what else can I do other than cut to handle it all?  The smoke comes back to hit me in the face, it’s seemingly misty which doesn’t make any sense until you consider the sprinkling going on outside.  It’s dark and I’m tired of well, everything.  Sometimes I wonder how I’ll do it again tomorrow.


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