Sometimes you just lose your will to live and that’s okay until it lasts. Until death isn’t just that thing you think about when your lonely. It starts out at the end of a corridor as a whisper and soon the thought echoes and bounces off the walls. It becomes the only thing you can think about day and night. You stop caring and you detach yourself from everything, longing to be saved although you know if you detach yourself no one can save you. You know you’re the only one that can save yourself but maybe you don’t want to be saved. Maybe you’re tired of saving everyone else. Maybe you just want to let go and hope for the best. Death beckons me, I hear its call. The sound of its name bounces off the walls in my mind growing ever so louder. It screams and screams for me to join it but not today death. Not today. I may hold onto almost nothing but it’s just enough to keep me from finding where the voice of death comes from. It keeps me from walking down the corridor to meet it. Find a way to hang on for those of you who know what I speak of. You never know when something good will happen. There’s a book I read once called “Girl Over the Edge” by Amy Kinzer. In it there’s an old man convincing a girl not to jump off a bridge and he tells her the story of the kid who jumped just a few weeks before. This kid wanted to become an actor so badly but couldn’t seem to land a part and one day he decided to end the pain. What he didn’t know is a week later they released a cast list and he had landed the major part in the play that would have changed everything. You see, you never know what tomorrow will bring so hold on a while and stay away from death, don’t walk down the corridor because your luck could change. Remember that someone loves you. If you can’t think of someone, I love you. Stay strong because everyone deserves to be loved. I don’t care that not many will see this. I don’t care if no one will read it but I have to try because people are worth it despite how awful they are sometimes. They need someone sometimes and I’ll be there for whomever really. Just people need to know they’re loved and that they matter. They need to know that tomorrow could be better and they’ve got to stick around to see what will happen.
Getting over a death is so hard. Its funny because you don’t think that it affects you until you find something that reminds you of the person you lost and you lose it. Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about my Great Grandmother whom unfortunately passed away a few months ago. I wouldn’t let myself feel the pain of her passing when she passed. Instead I closed myself off from my feelings and now since I found a card from her I feel so much pain in missing her. My grandmother was an amazing woman and I miss her so much. I’ve even dreamed about her. I’d like to say something about that first thing I wrote. You don’t completely get over a death. I’m not sure how exactly to put this but you miss the person you love but eventually its not so hard to think about them anymore. You begin to heal. I don’t speak about the effect my Grandmother’s passing has had on me but I think it’s time I start letting some of this out because I believe it may help. Talking about other things that happened in my life to others did. I know this is random but I feel I might as well tell someone.
– Jade :).
-And for anyone who has lost someone recently I’m here for you. It’s hard but it gets easier.