Sometimes you just lose your will to live and that’s okay until it lasts. Until death isn’t just that thing you think about when your lonely. It starts out at the end of a corridor as a whisper and soon the thought echoes and bounces off the walls. It becomes the only thing you can think about day and night. You stop caring and you detach yourself from everything, longing to be saved although you know if you detach yourself no one can save you. You know you’re the only one that can save yourself but maybe you don’t want to be saved. Maybe you’re tired of saving everyone else. Maybe you just want to let go and hope for the best. Death beckons me, I hear its call. The sound of its name bounces off the walls in my mind growing ever so louder. It screams and screams for me to join it but not today death. Not today. I may hold onto almost nothing but it’s just enough to keep me from finding where the voice of death comes from. It keeps me from walking down the corridor to meet it. Find a way to hang on for those of you who know what I speak of. You never know when something good will happen. There’s a book I read once called “Girl Over the Edge” by Amy Kinzer. In it there’s an old man convincing a girl not to jump off a bridge and he tells her the story of the kid who jumped just a few weeks before. This kid wanted to become an actor so badly but couldn’t seem to land a part and one day he decided to end the pain. What he didn’t know is a week later they released a cast list and he had landed the major part in the play that would have changed everything. You see, you never know what tomorrow will bring so hold on a while and stay away from death, don’t walk down the corridor because your luck could change. Remember that someone loves you. If you can’t think of someone, I love you. Stay strong because everyone deserves to be loved. I don’t care that not many will see this. I don’t care if no one will read it but I have to try because people are worth it despite how awful they are sometimes. They need someone sometimes and I’ll be there for whomever really. Just people need to know they’re loved and that they matter. They need to know that tomorrow could be better and they’ve got to stick around to see what will happen.
Wow. I don’t even know where to start. Well hello there followers. I haven’t been on here in a while. Honestly I’m a bit upset because I haven’t written in a while either but I’ll try to :). I’ve been super busy so yeah… Anywho if you guys have anything you want me to write it’d actually help because right now I’m not sure what to write. Hopefully I’ll be writing something new soon.
Ta Ta for now :)
P.S-I don’t know why I wrote “Ta Ta.”
She wills it all to stop. She asks it all to just go away and leave her alone forever. It doesn’t. It follows her your own shadow when the sun is bright and hot. It stings like sharp thorns on vines wrapped around her arms and legs. Love hurts, but it shouldn’t hurt this bad. Its unnatural the pain she’s in. It was a unique breakup, but then again every breakup is.
She turns, her arm visible in the bright full moonlight, bite marks cover her arms. He looks like a shadow, a quick one though. A shadow that could be at one place and then another in less than a second. He looks through her with those unforgiving black eyes. Tears run down her face but she wills the tears to stop because they like it when you cry.
“P-p-p-p- l-l ease” she chokes out.
His sharp teeth glitter in the silver light.
“I thought you loved me?” He asks her, the tone of his voice dark but smooth.
Perhaps like velvet? He inches closer gracefully. He bites her like he always does. The expression on her face is one of shock and horror. Tears run off her face. She continues to cry. She screams. The screaming stops. Her body slumps to the ground.
The worst part is she did love him although she didn’t want to. Although he did horrible things to her. Although she got weaker and weaker each time he visited. The pain became an obsession, a hunger. So she let him in. She allowed him to enter her home. Because she loved him. She loved his dark eyes and his dark hair. She loved the angle of his cheekbones. The hunger, the need, her obbession. Most of all her undying love was what killed her in the end. But the very worst of it was, that the monster loved her too. But he couldn’t control the thirst.
He slumps away, his dark eyes focusing on nothing. Walking over the blood stains on the carpet, and he tries to cry. But he can’t. For everyone knows that the dead cannot cry.
101 likes doesn’t seem like much to the majority of you but it is a big deal to me. I’m grateful that you guys take the time to read what I write :). Thank you!!!!!
Once I get back home I’m exhausted. That is definitely enough interaction for one day. I jump onto my couch. Its nice to be distracted from thinking of him for a while. I turn on the television and watch random crime shows. Then the telephone rings. In an unsually happy mood I walk over and its the girl from church.
“Hi! Uh I was wondering, if you wanted to come over from a bbq on Wednesday?” She asks uncertainly.
“Sure, its not like I’m doing anything on Wednesday” I say
When I get to her house its only her and what I’m assuming is her boyfriend’s car parked in the driveway. She says her boyfriend is nice. When I ring the doorbell she opens the door almost immediately with tears in her eyes.
“Please don’t hate me but I lied to you” she says.
I shift uncomfortably.
“I don’t really have a boyfriend, I was just trying to fit in a little until I could tell you” she infrorms me.
“What are you trying to get at?” I ask her.
“I have…. a girlfriend” she says looking at the ground.
I respond immediately “that’s okay!” I say truthfully.
She breathes a sigh of relief and invites me in then tells me the whole story.
“I joined the church because I like the religion but I didn’t think about it being against gays or lesbians. So when I invited people to the barbeque I planned to tell everyone. I only told you about the boyfriend thing. So when they found out they freaked out. Apparently they’re totally against gays and lesbians. I guess I just didn’t think about everything before I made the plans. Its just that they seemed SO nice! But now they hate me completely!” She finishes out of breath with tears in her eyes.
I feel horribly for her. What a horrible thing to happen, everyone just being against you because you like something different.
“Well I don’t hate you” I say.
“Okay well we have lots of food” she says, twirling around with her hand up.
We head into the kitchen and I meet her girlfriend Maddie.
“April where’d you put the remote?” Maddie asks.
“Oh, uh, top of the tv I’m pretty sure” April says back.
“So what’s your full name?” I ask.
“April Ann Arlington” she replies smiling, “my parents thought it’d be cute to have all the A’s, yours?”
“Jillian Marie Turner” I reply.
She nods, “that’s a nice name.”
“Thanks, so is yours” I say.
Once I leave April’s house I can’t help but wonder what its gonna be like for her with the whole church kind of turned against her. I mean there are only like five people that don’t go to that church. Everyone knows each other. Word is definitely going to spread fast.