Sometimes you just lose your will to live and that’s okay until it lasts. Until death isn’t just that thing you think about when your lonely. It starts out at the end of a corridor as a whisper and soon the thought echoes and bounces off the walls. It becomes the only thing you can think about day and night. You stop caring and you detach yourself from everything, longing to be saved although you know if you detach yourself no one can save you. You know you’re the only one that can save yourself but maybe you don’t want to be saved. Maybe you’re tired of saving everyone else. Maybe you just want to let go and hope for the best. Death beckons me, I hear its call. The sound of its name bounces off the walls in my mind growing ever so louder. It screams and screams for me to join it but not today death. Not today. I may hold onto almost nothing but it’s just enough to keep me from finding where the voice of death comes from. It keeps me from walking down the corridor to meet it. Find a way to hang on for those of you who know what I speak of. You never know when something good will happen. There’s a book I read once called “Girl Over the Edge” by Amy Kinzer. In it there’s an old man convincing a girl not to jump off a bridge and he tells her the story of the kid who jumped just a few weeks before. This kid wanted to become an actor so badly but couldn’t seem to land a part and one day he decided to end the pain. What he didn’t know is a week later they released a cast list and he had landed the major part in the play that would have changed everything. You see, you never know what tomorrow will bring so hold on a while and stay away from death, don’t walk down the corridor because your luck could change. Remember that someone loves you. If you can’t think of someone, I love you. Stay strong because everyone deserves to be loved. I don’t care that not many will see this. I don’t care if no one will read it but I have to try because people are worth it despite how awful they are sometimes. They need someone sometimes and I’ll be there for whomever really. Just people need to know they’re loved and that they matter. They need to know that tomorrow could be better and they’ve got to stick around to see what will happen.
Wow. I don’t even know where to start. Well hello there followers. I haven’t been on here in a while. Honestly I’m a bit upset because I haven’t written in a while either but I’ll try to :). I’ve been super busy so yeah… Anywho if you guys have anything you want me to write it’d actually help because right now I’m not sure what to write. Hopefully I’ll be writing something new soon.
Ta Ta for now :)
P.S-I don’t know why I wrote “Ta Ta.”
What are you doing? I think. Charlie Sanders runs across the street. I stare I can’t do anything. I shouldn’t care what he does. Then it happens. I most definitely care about what he’s just done.
“CHARLIE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?” I scream.
He lays in the middle of the street. No cars are around. Just him on the ground in his own pool of blood with a black gun in his hand.
There are the days where you just don’t want to get up. Where the motivation has left you entirely. Now that its summer things are slowing down and although I should be writing more because I have more free time I don’t. I’ve gotten lazy it seems. And I’m hogging my ideas. I just don’t publish them on here anymore. I don’t even get on wordpress much anymore because I have no reason to. The only reason I get on is because of Ryan. I need the inspiration to come back :/.
This blog is going to be pretty crazy. I’m random and express my thoughts. This is my crazy everyday life. My Crazy Everyday life (blog) is just going to be about me really, about what’s been goin’ on with me lately ect. It sounds boring yes…. BUT it’s all pretty crazy so yeah :). That’s all for now :).
101 likes doesn’t seem like much to the majority of you but it is a big deal to me. I’m grateful that you guys take the time to read what I write :). Thank you!!!!!
Once I get back home I’m exhausted. That is definitely enough interaction for one day. I jump onto my couch. Its nice to be distracted from thinking of him for a while. I turn on the television and watch random crime shows. Then the telephone rings. In an unsually happy mood I walk over and its the girl from church.
“Hi! Uh I was wondering, if you wanted to come over from a bbq on Wednesday?” She asks uncertainly.
“Sure, its not like I’m doing anything on Wednesday” I say
When I get to her house its only her and what I’m assuming is her boyfriend’s car parked in the driveway. She says her boyfriend is nice. When I ring the doorbell she opens the door almost immediately with tears in her eyes.
“Please don’t hate me but I lied to you” she says.
I shift uncomfortably.
“I don’t really have a boyfriend, I was just trying to fit in a little until I could tell you” she infrorms me.
“What are you trying to get at?” I ask her.
“I have…. a girlfriend” she says looking at the ground.
I respond immediately “that’s okay!” I say truthfully.
She breathes a sigh of relief and invites me in then tells me the whole story.
“I joined the church because I like the religion but I didn’t think about it being against gays or lesbians. So when I invited people to the barbeque I planned to tell everyone. I only told you about the boyfriend thing. So when they found out they freaked out. Apparently they’re totally against gays and lesbians. I guess I just didn’t think about everything before I made the plans. Its just that they seemed SO nice! But now they hate me completely!” She finishes out of breath with tears in her eyes.
I feel horribly for her. What a horrible thing to happen, everyone just being against you because you like something different.
“Well I don’t hate you” I say.
“Okay well we have lots of food” she says, twirling around with her hand up.
We head into the kitchen and I meet her girlfriend Maddie.
“April where’d you put the remote?” Maddie asks.
“Oh, uh, top of the tv I’m pretty sure” April says back.
“So what’s your full name?” I ask.
“April Ann Arlington” she replies smiling, “my parents thought it’d be cute to have all the A’s, yours?”
“Jillian Marie Turner” I reply.
She nods, “that’s a nice name.”
“Thanks, so is yours” I say.
Once I leave April’s house I can’t help but wonder what its gonna be like for her with the whole church kind of turned against her. I mean there are only like five people that don’t go to that church. Everyone knows each other. Word is definitely going to spread fast.